Do U need more proof that Madonna and lil' Jesus Luz are still going strong?

Madge is reportedly jetting to Jesus' hometown of Rio next weekend (Valentine's Day!) for the Samba Parade!

Romantical!

Sources say the Material Girl has been chosen to be a guest of Sergio Cabral, the governor of Rio, and will be watching the parade from the politician's private box.

And you can bet you'll see a Baby Jesus by her side!

[Image via WENN.]

MADONNA could be getting back with ex-husband Guy Ritchie — if her kids their way! According to reports, the former couple’s sons — Rocco, nine, and adopted David Banda, four –  have told their parents they want a settled home life following the singer’s recent split from her Brazilian toyboy Jesus Luz. “Both Guy and Madonna hated [...]

MADONNA has her sights set on a new man — model/actor Jon Kortajarena. The 51-year-old singer — who recently split from her toyboy, 23-year-old Brazilian model Jess Luz — apparently took a shine Kortajarena, 24, at the New York premiere his new A Single Man. Madonna, sources say, was seen flirting “outrageously” with the handsome star (pictured [...]

Kim Kardashian's gigantic ass and chewtoy/boyfriend—New Orleans Saints player Reggie Bush—descend on Miami. Let Diddy be Diddy. Madonna's vagina is funny. Kristen Stewart got someone fired. Tiger Woods: excited to jack off? Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup.

• Somebody looked at a reservations book and decided that Reggie Bush and Kim Karashain—who's now famous for not just having a big ass and a sex tape, but for dating Reggie Bush and being punched in the face as well—were having the last dinner before Reggie's Big Game tomorrow in Miami at Prime 112. They might be right, because also in attendance were Jerry "The Cryptkeeper" Jones, Alex "Centaur Special" Rodriguez, David Spade, and Chris Rock. Remember Saints fans, if you lose, it's Kim's fault. [Page Six]
  
  
• Not exactly the smartest thing you could do: Kristen Stewart—who, for the record, is having sex with Robert Pattinson, Twilight fans. Yes, that Robert Pattinson. Yes: sex.—was a juror in a court case involving an undercover prostitution sting. The defendant was found not guilty! And the security guard policing the trial asked for a photo with Stewart for his daughter. Well, Stewart obliged, and naturally, the photo went up on Facebook, because people can't resist the temptation to show everyone about their brush with fame, even though they're just fucking people they're standing next to. Just other human beings! Anyway, now the guard's probably gonna get fired. Blame it on the fans. Sorry, but: it's true. [People]
  
  
• Madonna's getting a place in East Hampton for the summer, where she and the kid she's babysitting/schtumping, this Jesus guy, they're gonna sit around and do it. All summer. Question: when will Madonna realize that schtumping younger guys doesn't make her younger by Osmosis? Madonna's hanging onto her youth like a Koala being weened of its local eucalyptus high. Except one's kinda cute and the other is just plain sad. For the record, that's the koala. The koala's the cute example, here. [Page Six]
  
  
• Snooki Cookie Snickers Dickers or whatever we're calling her these days, she got booed by Philadelphia. Who boos everyone, but still, good thing they're on their shit, you know?
  
  
• Conrad Murray, the dirty doctor who's going to be charged with killing Michael Jackson on Monday, decided to tip some TMZ photogs off to the fact that he was "seeking peace" at Michael Jackson's tomb, which is a nice way of getting a decent publicity shot a few days before we're all going to see his mug shot. For the record, after Jackson died, I called Murray a sketchball, and a bunch of commenters were like "fuuuuuuuckkk youuuuuu he is SO NOT SKETCHY you are SUCH AN ASSHOLE." To those commenters, I'd like to say: eat a dick. I was right. And you know who defends a sketchball? Other sketchballs. [TMZ]
  
  
• Naomi Campbell's hosting some kind of charity benefit and for $100 a ticket you can buy yourself into the "safe zone" where she won't hurl wireless electronics at your face. Possibly worth the investment. [Page Six]
  
  
• Some chick on The Bachelor is proud to be a virgin. The fact that she's on The Bachelor still doesn't seem to bother her, however. [People]
  
  
• Tiger Woods left sex rehab and is now going to go home and jack off a whole bunch, prolly. [NYDN]
  
  
• Some poor little girl ended up touring with the Jonas Brothers and realized how insane their fans are and now needs years of therapy to deal with it. [People]
  
  
• Jeffrey Chodorow supposedly has the most successful nightlife empire out there. This is funny, because no matter what he does, New York will always think of him as kind of a joke. If anything, the guy can't produce a restaurant deserving of more than one Sympathy Star if his life depended on it, but there will always be assholes, and thus, an audience for Chodorow's stuff. Long Live Kobe Club. [Page Six]
  
  
• Linda Hamilton—who ensured that our children will not be slaves to SkyNet Robots, twice—says she divorced James Cameron because he was a workaholic, and not because he was busy thinking of new ways for ten-foot-tall blue creatures to have sex with plants using their awesome blue dicktails. [NYDN]
  
  
• Anne Hathaway teaches the readers of one of those GQ magazines how to kiss, which is good, because they probably need the help. Seriously. Also, Anne Hathaway is hot. What? What else am I supposed to say about this? She is. It's true. [NYDN]
  
  
• Will Sean Combs ever resist the temptation to act like Sean Combs? Example sighting: "....deplaning a United NY-LA flight with two assistants carrrying his Louis Vuittton luggage to a black Escalade..." No, basically, never. [Page Six]
  
  
• Jamie Lynn Spears is dumping her baby daddy for an older guy. The older guy is probably developmentally disabled in some regard. [NYDN]

Super Bowl weekend, and I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I won't be playing in Sunday's Big Game, as my back is completely messed up. I will, however, be blogging here, and be doing it on a whole bunch of Vicodin. People, believe me when I tell you that blogging is, in fact, a full contact sport, especially if you sit like a very, very interested and possibly farsighted monkey for seven days a week, as my spine is now essentially straight (it's not supposed to be, supposedly) and I can't bend over anymore to be the recipient of various editors' deadlines, which was maybe the idea in the first place. But no, really, I'm going to be on painkillers for most of this weekend, so, this should be fun! Stick around!

[Photo via Getty Images]

MADONNA has her sights set on having another child. But the 51-year-old singer — who is already mom to Lourdes, Rocco, David and Mercy — isn’t trying to get pregnant. She’s on the hunt for a surrogate. “Madonna wants another baby of her own, so she’s meeting with a fertility expert to discuss her options,” a source close [...]

POP superstar Madonna held “epic” auditions for new backing dancers at a New York nightclub. The Celebration singer is searching for a group of experienced performers to join her on stage during her forthcoming shows, and turned up at the Simyone Lounge club, also known as SL, in Manhattan’s trendy Meatpacking District to watch them in [...]

We knew it!!

Despite reports that her MADGEsty would be silly enough to kick her latest piece's seksi ass to the curb, sources are claiming that she and Baby Jesus Luz are still very much together.

A source witnessed the two at the London premiere party for A Single Man Monday night.

“They were all over each other and were even kissing in front of everyone. They looked like they were still very much an item. Tom Ford was there, and she looked like she wanted to talk to him before she left for the evening. But there’s no doubt she and Jesus were at the party together.”

She even was spotted chatting with ex-husband Guy Ritchie! We hope she wasn't just using Baby Jesus to make him jealous!!

Probably not though.

The Queen of Pop also reportedly took to streets of NYC to get her freak on Wednesday night.

“She came into SL with a huge entourage of guys, but it looked very friendly. At first, she was blocked off by security, but as the night went on she was having such a good time that she was out dancing like everyone else. They made a huge circle, and Madonna looked like she was competing with [“The Hurt Locker’s”] Anthony Mackie and Jeremy Renner. Madonna looked really happy and like she was having a good time, but any attention she got from the men was definitely platonic.”

Phew! We're thrilled to hear the Material Girl is having a great time and is breaking it down!! Take us with you next time!!

[Image via AP Images.]

In which we discover the sexiest way to report a starlet's jury duty. Tiger Woods exits sex rehab, Madonna and Jesus Luz are still together, and Howard Stern declines American Idol's judging gig. Friday gossip isn't afraid to say 'no.'

• The savants of sensationalism at TMZ turned jury duty into a tawdry sex scandal: "Kristen Stewart—Key Player in Prostitution Case." Admittedly, I wish I'd thought of it first. The Twilight star found the accused "not guilty" of soliciting a prostitute who turned out to be an undercover cop. The man's defense was that, as a non-native speaker of the language, he had no idea what he was haggling for. That excuse occurs a lot in the sexual tourism industry, too. [P6]
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• Tiger Woods left sex rehab, Radar reports. Apparently Elin flew to Mississippi to pick him up from clinic Gentle Path, where he successfully completed the program for sex addiction. It's a lot of pressure, because if he falls off the wagon, it's basically guaranteed that the lady will sell the story to the tabloid press faster than you can say "Uchitel." [Radar]
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• The arraignment of Dr. Conrad Murray for the involuntary manslaughter of Michael Jackson is taking forever because it's turned into an LAPD-District Attorney turf war. TMZ reports it was supposed to happen today, but the D.A. negotiated a "voluntary surrender," but the cops are insisting on a regular arraignment, with handcuffs and chains. You kill like a thug, you get arraigned like a thug, said the grisled TV cop in my head. [TMZ]
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• Madonna and Jesus Luz: Still an item, according to someone who saw them making out at the London premiere party for A Single Man. [NYDN]
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• Speaking of Madonna, she staffs her back-up dancers via Meatpacking District club dance-off. On Wednesday night she auditioned 30 new bootyshakers at SL, while clubgoers like Eve, Madge's personal deejay Tony Touch, and a random assortment of lucky ducks looked on. [P6]
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• American Idol is pursuing Howard Stern to replace Simon Cowell because "he'd be even nastier than Simon." He'd also incur more obscenity fines, and would be a bizarre choice for a franchise that lives in waking terror of Adam Lambert's sexuality. And yet, Stern recently alluded to "a major TV network to take over a TV show," which he says he turned it down. So consider the bullet dodged. [P6]
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• Gabourey Sidibe is an unrepentant teeny bopper, and I love it. She joked that Justin Timberlake should be her Oscars date: "Justin, if you're not doing anything on that night, maybe you could be my date or something?" Then she described hearing him announce her name as a Golden Globe nominee like this: "Oh my god, Justin Timberlake just said my name. I told my roommate, and I literally said, 'Oh my God, Justin just said my name! He finally said my name!'" It is testament to Gabourey's powerful charm that this is not creepy, but endearing. [NYDN]
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• Hoping to cast athletes, Dancing With the Stars is deploying scouts to NFL Super Bowl parties Miami. Savvy. [P6]
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• Charlie Sheen is being charged with a felony for his Christmas Day switchblade attack on wife Brooke Mueller. He'll be arraigned on Monday, which is also the day Brooke's lawyers will ask a judge to relax the restraining order, because apparently they're still trying to make it work. [TMZ]
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• Pat yourselves on the back, gossipmongers, because you saved Kevin Federline. Those infamous 240-lb "K-Fat" photos were the wake-up call he needed to get healthy: "I thought it was Photoshopped, you know? And then I realized that I was just letting myself go." With a li'l more help from his cheering/jeering public, he vanquished the weight on Celebrity Fit Club. [NYDN]
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• A guy approached Jared Leto in a crowded building and said he was about to blow up Jared's band. Police diffused the situation and discovered the "bomb" was candy and a blender in a box. [TMZ]
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• The New York offices of Universal Music Group—which reps Rihanna and Jay-Z—and ICM—which reps Megan Fox, Halle Berry, and Nora Ephron—have bedbugs. "Universal had its three floors fumigated last month. But this week, a small area of the ICM offices directly below were found to be infested, so the office was evacuated and fumigated within 24 hours. They even brought in bedbug-seeking beagles." So the mom sprayed Lysol on their sheets and the dad itched his butt, and when the agent asked, What's the name of your act? they replied, The Aristocrats! [P6]
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• Celebrity sighting: "Bono, in Bulgari sunglasses, and Damien Hirst, in a fez, dining with a gaggle of gorgeous girls at Da Silvano." Of course. [P6]
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MADONNA secretly met former flame Alex ‘A-Rod’ Rodriguez at his home in New York, it has been claimed. The pop superstar — who is said to have split from her Brazilian toyboy Jesus Luz — apparently got together with the New York Yankees slugger at the sportsman’s mansion in the city. “They have stayed in touch and [...]

It may, however, be a euphemism for "cosmetic procedures too dangerous to be legal in the States." Mackenzie Phillips backtracks on part of her incest claim. Lady Gaga gets a tattoo for her fans. Thursday's gossip will leave a mark.

• Kabbalah water is so yesterday. Madonna now cryogenically freezes her face with Brazilian "youth water," which Celebitchy informs us is a coconut-flavored water Madge uses to "detoxify and cleanse." She has invested $1.5 million in manufacturer Vita Coco, which she intends to import and hawk to fellow celebrities. [Celebitchy] [Fox411]
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• All that youth juice is how she kept up with A-Rod two weeks ago, when they had a "secret rendezvous" in New York. He's got hos in different area codes, including a "pretty brunette in New York," a "blonde model in Miami," and a "curvy blonde" he took to the Bahamas. [P6]
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• Every now and then, an excruciatingly slow investigation reminds you how ridiculous procedural justice TV shows' paces are. The L.A. County Coroner is revisiting Brittany Murphy's home, because they still haven't figured out whether drugs played a role in her death. TMZ says the hold-up is because a Murphy employee told the Coroner about the delivery of "a sealed manila envelope to the house every Friday filled with prescription medications" for "Lola." Brittany's husband and mother were reinterviewed—is this why Simon Monjack "postponed" Brittany's public memorial? [TMZ]
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• Lady Gaga got a new tattoo and announced on Twitter: "look what i did last night. little monsters forever, on the arm that holds my mic. xx." [fig.1] "Little Monsters" are what she calls her fans. [TwitPic]
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• Wayne Newton abandoned his private jet at a Michigan airport. This is the most decadent act of carelessness I have heard of. [TMZ]
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• Mackenzie Phillips finally realized that her sexual relationship with her dad during her teen years was not consensual: "As I was writing [High on Arrival], I thought, this word, it kept sitting wrong with me. But I used it for lack of a better word. Since then, I've been schooled by thousands of incest survivors all across the world that there really is no such thing as consensual incest due to the inherent power a parent has over a child." Dr. Drew's guidance on Celebrity Rehab helped, too. [NYDN]
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• Beyonce launched a new perfume, Heat, with an ad featuring perspiration, the fondling of breasts, and the color red. [fig.2] [SocialiteLife]
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• Impoverished Twilight star Kellan Lutz finally got a paying gig, modeling undies for Calvin Klein. [fig.3] The campaign includes three other raging hunks of man: a True Blood star with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle abs, a boyish Spanish tennis player, and a brooding Japanese soccer star. [fig.4] They should start a boy band. [Celebitchy]
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