ROBERT Pattinson will be furious after learning Orlando Bloom has been flirting with his girlfriend, Kristen Stewart! The Pirates of The Caribbean star — who has been in a relationship with Aussie model Miranda Kerr for the past few years — allegedly made moves on Stewart, 19, at the recent Sundance Film Festival. “The night before the [...]

We can only imagine (and envy) what's going on in this picture!

A brand new still from The Twilight Saga: Eclipse has been released. It looks to be from the same scene as the last still, only clearly things have taken a turn for the worse passionate for Robert Pattinson.

Did we brighten your day, Twi-Hards?

Kim Kardashian's gigantic ass and chewtoy/boyfriend—New Orleans Saints player Reggie Bush—descend on Miami. Let Diddy be Diddy. Madonna's vagina is funny. Kristen Stewart got someone fired. Tiger Woods: excited to jack off? Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup.

• Somebody looked at a reservations book and decided that Reggie Bush and Kim Karashain—who's now famous for not just having a big ass and a sex tape, but for dating Reggie Bush and being punched in the face as well—were having the last dinner before Reggie's Big Game tomorrow in Miami at Prime 112. They might be right, because also in attendance were Jerry "The Cryptkeeper" Jones, Alex "Centaur Special" Rodriguez, David Spade, and Chris Rock. Remember Saints fans, if you lose, it's Kim's fault. [Page Six]
  
  
• Not exactly the smartest thing you could do: Kristen Stewart—who, for the record, is having sex with Robert Pattinson, Twilight fans. Yes, that Robert Pattinson. Yes: sex.—was a juror in a court case involving an undercover prostitution sting. The defendant was found not guilty! And the security guard policing the trial asked for a photo with Stewart for his daughter. Well, Stewart obliged, and naturally, the photo went up on Facebook, because people can't resist the temptation to show everyone about their brush with fame, even though they're just fucking people they're standing next to. Just other human beings! Anyway, now the guard's probably gonna get fired. Blame it on the fans. Sorry, but: it's true. [People]
  
  
• Madonna's getting a place in East Hampton for the summer, where she and the kid she's babysitting/schtumping, this Jesus guy, they're gonna sit around and do it. All summer. Question: when will Madonna realize that schtumping younger guys doesn't make her younger by Osmosis? Madonna's hanging onto her youth like a Koala being weened of its local eucalyptus high. Except one's kinda cute and the other is just plain sad. For the record, that's the koala. The koala's the cute example, here. [Page Six]
  
  
• Snooki Cookie Snickers Dickers or whatever we're calling her these days, she got booed by Philadelphia. Who boos everyone, but still, good thing they're on their shit, you know?
  
  
• Conrad Murray, the dirty doctor who's going to be charged with killing Michael Jackson on Monday, decided to tip some TMZ photogs off to the fact that he was "seeking peace" at Michael Jackson's tomb, which is a nice way of getting a decent publicity shot a few days before we're all going to see his mug shot. For the record, after Jackson died, I called Murray a sketchball, and a bunch of commenters were like "fuuuuuuuckkk youuuuuu he is SO NOT SKETCHY you are SUCH AN ASSHOLE." To those commenters, I'd like to say: eat a dick. I was right. And you know who defends a sketchball? Other sketchballs. [TMZ]
  
  
• Naomi Campbell's hosting some kind of charity benefit and for $100 a ticket you can buy yourself into the "safe zone" where she won't hurl wireless electronics at your face. Possibly worth the investment. [Page Six]
  
  
• Some chick on The Bachelor is proud to be a virgin. The fact that she's on The Bachelor still doesn't seem to bother her, however. [People]
  
  
• Tiger Woods left sex rehab and is now going to go home and jack off a whole bunch, prolly. [NYDN]
  
  
• Some poor little girl ended up touring with the Jonas Brothers and realized how insane their fans are and now needs years of therapy to deal with it. [People]
  
  
• Jeffrey Chodorow supposedly has the most successful nightlife empire out there. This is funny, because no matter what he does, New York will always think of him as kind of a joke. If anything, the guy can't produce a restaurant deserving of more than one Sympathy Star if his life depended on it, but there will always be assholes, and thus, an audience for Chodorow's stuff. Long Live Kobe Club. [Page Six]
  
  
• Linda Hamilton—who ensured that our children will not be slaves to SkyNet Robots, twice—says she divorced James Cameron because he was a workaholic, and not because he was busy thinking of new ways for ten-foot-tall blue creatures to have sex with plants using their awesome blue dicktails. [NYDN]
  
  
• Anne Hathaway teaches the readers of one of those GQ magazines how to kiss, which is good, because they probably need the help. Seriously. Also, Anne Hathaway is hot. What? What else am I supposed to say about this? She is. It's true. [NYDN]
  
  
• Will Sean Combs ever resist the temptation to act like Sean Combs? Example sighting: "....deplaning a United NY-LA flight with two assistants carrrying his Louis Vuittton luggage to a black Escalade..." No, basically, never. [Page Six]
  
  
• Jamie Lynn Spears is dumping her baby daddy for an older guy. The older guy is probably developmentally disabled in some regard. [NYDN]

Super Bowl weekend, and I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I won't be playing in Sunday's Big Game, as my back is completely messed up. I will, however, be blogging here, and be doing it on a whole bunch of Vicodin. People, believe me when I tell you that blogging is, in fact, a full contact sport, especially if you sit like a very, very interested and possibly farsighted monkey for seven days a week, as my spine is now essentially straight (it's not supposed to be, supposedly) and I can't bend over anymore to be the recipient of various editors' deadlines, which was maybe the idea in the first place. But no, really, I'm going to be on painkillers for most of this weekend, so, this should be fun! Stick around!

[Photo via Getty Images]

SOURCES close to Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have shot down reports the couple are looking to buy a property in London. Britain’s Heat magazine claimed earlier this week that the couple — who met while filming the first Twilight movie — were looking to set up a home in the British capital to enable the [...]

In which we discover the sexiest way to report a starlet's jury duty. Tiger Woods exits sex rehab, Madonna and Jesus Luz are still together, and Howard Stern declines American Idol's judging gig. Friday gossip isn't afraid to say 'no.'

• The savants of sensationalism at TMZ turned jury duty into a tawdry sex scandal: "Kristen Stewart—Key Player in Prostitution Case." Admittedly, I wish I'd thought of it first. The Twilight star found the accused "not guilty" of soliciting a prostitute who turned out to be an undercover cop. The man's defense was that, as a non-native speaker of the language, he had no idea what he was haggling for. That excuse occurs a lot in the sexual tourism industry, too. [P6]
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• Tiger Woods left sex rehab, Radar reports. Apparently Elin flew to Mississippi to pick him up from clinic Gentle Path, where he successfully completed the program for sex addiction. It's a lot of pressure, because if he falls off the wagon, it's basically guaranteed that the lady will sell the story to the tabloid press faster than you can say "Uchitel." [Radar]
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• The arraignment of Dr. Conrad Murray for the involuntary manslaughter of Michael Jackson is taking forever because it's turned into an LAPD-District Attorney turf war. TMZ reports it was supposed to happen today, but the D.A. negotiated a "voluntary surrender," but the cops are insisting on a regular arraignment, with handcuffs and chains. You kill like a thug, you get arraigned like a thug, said the grisled TV cop in my head. [TMZ]
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• Madonna and Jesus Luz: Still an item, according to someone who saw them making out at the London premiere party for A Single Man. [NYDN]
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• Speaking of Madonna, she staffs her back-up dancers via Meatpacking District club dance-off. On Wednesday night she auditioned 30 new bootyshakers at SL, while clubgoers like Eve, Madge's personal deejay Tony Touch, and a random assortment of lucky ducks looked on. [P6]
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• American Idol is pursuing Howard Stern to replace Simon Cowell because "he'd be even nastier than Simon." He'd also incur more obscenity fines, and would be a bizarre choice for a franchise that lives in waking terror of Adam Lambert's sexuality. And yet, Stern recently alluded to "a major TV network to take over a TV show," which he says he turned it down. So consider the bullet dodged. [P6]
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• Gabourey Sidibe is an unrepentant teeny bopper, and I love it. She joked that Justin Timberlake should be her Oscars date: "Justin, if you're not doing anything on that night, maybe you could be my date or something?" Then she described hearing him announce her name as a Golden Globe nominee like this: "Oh my god, Justin Timberlake just said my name. I told my roommate, and I literally said, 'Oh my God, Justin just said my name! He finally said my name!'" It is testament to Gabourey's powerful charm that this is not creepy, but endearing. [NYDN]
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• Hoping to cast athletes, Dancing With the Stars is deploying scouts to NFL Super Bowl parties Miami. Savvy. [P6]
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• Charlie Sheen is being charged with a felony for his Christmas Day switchblade attack on wife Brooke Mueller. He'll be arraigned on Monday, which is also the day Brooke's lawyers will ask a judge to relax the restraining order, because apparently they're still trying to make it work. [TMZ]
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• Pat yourselves on the back, gossipmongers, because you saved Kevin Federline. Those infamous 240-lb "K-Fat" photos were the wake-up call he needed to get healthy: "I thought it was Photoshopped, you know? And then I realized that I was just letting myself go." With a li'l more help from his cheering/jeering public, he vanquished the weight on Celebrity Fit Club. [NYDN]
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• A guy approached Jared Leto in a crowded building and said he was about to blow up Jared's band. Police diffused the situation and discovered the "bomb" was candy and a blender in a box. [TMZ]
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• The New York offices of Universal Music Group—which reps Rihanna and Jay-Z—and ICM—which reps Megan Fox, Halle Berry, and Nora Ephron—have bedbugs. "Universal had its three floors fumigated last month. But this week, a small area of the ICM offices directly below were found to be infested, so the office was evacuated and fumigated within 24 hours. They even brought in bedbug-seeking beagles." So the mom sprayed Lysol on their sheets and the dad itched his butt, and when the agent asked, What's the name of your act? they replied, The Aristocrats! [P6]
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• Celebrity sighting: "Bono, in Bulgari sunglasses, and Damien Hirst, in a fez, dining with a gaggle of gorgeous girls at Da Silvano." Of course. [P6]
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Filed under: Celebrity Justice, Twilight, Exclusives

TMZ.com: Kristen Stewart's civic duty involved sex, prostitutes and an undercover cop -- and the guy on trial even got a happy ending. TMZ has learned Stewart was a member of an L.A. jury this week in a 3-day case involving a man accused of trying to pay an ... Read more

And she was even trying to be nice!

Kristen Stewart was serving jury duty earlier this week and a security guard/Twilight fan asked if he could take a quick photo on his cell phone with the actress.

K-Stew must have been feeling generous because she posed with the guy, but that's when the trouble started!

The guard's buddy who was present during the photo let his wife put it up on a blog post which found its way to Team-Twilight.com and now the two men might lost their jobs!

Jury duty is confidential business especially when celebs are involved and both the security guard and his friend are in deep shiz!

Stewart does have a heart and she admitted, "Now I feel bad…I am really scared, because I think it is possible that they could lose their jobs."

Hopefully they just get issued a warning — K-Stew really isn't worth losing a job over!

[Image via WENN.]

ROBERT Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are looking for a house in London! They’ve obviously changed their minds about the Isle of Wight then! Anyway! According to a report in Britain’s Heat magazine, the couple are looking to set up home in the British capital to enable the Pattinson and Stewart families to become more acquainted. “Kristen loves Rob’s family, [...]

There are far more celebrities in need of an actual intervention, but anything that helps put some distance between these two works for us!

No one has seen much of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart together since the end of their New Moon promotional orgy, but sources did catch a glimpse of the two spending time together in England right around New Years.

But that's it. There has been nothing since then and now we know why: They've been told not to!

According to sources, each of the actor's camps has approached them about cutting back on the time spent with the other. Rob has big budget movies to focus on and KStew has indie flicks to sell. Their people believe neither has time to focus on anything else but their work, so for the time being, they are going to have to quit one another.

Can R-Patz handle that? (We're not too worried about KStew. She's black-hearted. She'll be fine)

Guess they'll just have to hold on until Eclipse comes out. Then, the world can see it's favorite vampire and sour pussy frolicking about again.

[Image via WENN.]

ROBERT Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have been told to put their romance on the back burner for the time being — so they don’t get distracted from their red-hot careers. Rob and Kristen’s respective managers have reportedly told the Twilight stars to focus on their upcoming movies — not their love life. “Let’s just say Rob and [...]