Sarah Silverman unleashes the rage of a thousand indignant female fans on an ex-boyfriend. Brangelina sues News of the World for the break-up rumor. I hereby nominate Kevin Federline to date Kate Gosselin. Tuesday gossip just wants to be loved.

• Exes are generally not to be trusted, but these underhanded jabs are too good to pass up: Sarah Silverman says Jimmy Kimmel never told her she was pretty, a comment begging to be brought up in every women's magazine she does from here to the end of time. Sarah's new boyfriend, Family Guy producer/writer Alec Sulkin is "the first guy in a decade who's given me any kind of compliment, like saying I'm pretty or anything." She adds, "Usually I like pudgy, macho-ish guys. But I think I mistook macho-ish for strong, emotionally. And I think it's really the opposite." Hear that, Jimmy? You're a fat crybaby, too. [Popeater]
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• Brangelina are suing News of the World for those break-up rumors. Explaining the damages, Brangelina's lawyer explained that the rumors were "widely republished by mainstream news outlets." They dotted the exclamation point with a public kiss at the Super Bowl. [BBC] [JJ]
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• Playboy shareholders are suing Hugh Hefner for being too much a playboy. The lawsuit includes a consulting firm's assessment: "We think the wildcard here is Hugh Hefner... If you were Hugh Hefner, 81, would you give up the parade of busty blonds, the fancy mansion and the reality TV show for a payout?" Silicone breasts, meet cold, dead heads. [TMZ]
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• New details from Jennifer Aniston's Cabo San Lucas birthday celebration: 50 Jen friends, including Gerard Butler, came to One & Only Palmilla resort, where Jen is staying for $9000 a night in a one-bedroom villa with a staff of 12, including two butlers and a chef. There's a private spa, infinity pool, "an outdoor rain shower and day beds" so Gerard will have somewhere to stay when he pretends to be sleeping with Jen. Sheryl Crow and Courteney Cox are there, and everyone's drinking margaritas and eating guac. [P6]
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• "Rapper Nelly took a punch trying to break up a brawl between his bodyguards and bouncers." This is precisely the opposite of what people in those two career fields are supposed to do. [P6]
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• When Britney Spears arrived at the UCLA Medical Center's Mattel Children's Hospital emergency room, her publicist issued a statement: "Everything is fine. Britney is there for an annual physical." Like her mental and emotional states, Britney's health froze during her teen years. Why else see a pediatrician at the age of 28, after bearing two children of your own? [X17] [E!]
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• Diane von Furstenberg on rough patches with billionaire husband of contested sexuality Barry Diller: "I did leave him, and I went with other men, but they always ended up being jealous of Barry." [P6]
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• Gossip Girl costars Ed Westwick and Jessica Szohr: Not broken up, according to their tongues, which spent Maxim's Super Bowl party intertwined. [P6]
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• Rachel Uchitel gave a hard-hitting interview to Saved By the Bell's A.C. Slater, and revealed that she went to the Gossip Girl high school. She mistakenly says it is also "the Mean Girls high school," but that was set in suburban Chicago, not New York. At that point and in a huff, I quit watching, but if any of you can handle the boring terror that is Uchi Cuchi Coo smirking nervously at Mario Lopez, let us know if she says anything interesting. [Extra]
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• Kate Gosselin and her hair wrote a new book. I Just Want You to Know: Letters to My Kids on Love, Faith and Family features an unrecognizably young, soft-looking woman on its cover. [fig.1] [People] [Amazon]
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• K-Fed says he'd "definitely" marry again. Ladies, start your engines. [People]

Twenty-seven percent of American adults would rather spend Valentine's Day with a pet than a human partner. To those of you who just thought the unspeakable: You disgust me. [NYP]

WPIX says the New York Times' resignation-worthy takedown-to-end-all-takedowns of David Paterson will now appear on Wednesday. If it doesn't, we're sure it will come out on Thursday, or maybe Friday. Saturday could work, too. And Sunday's always good.

Also, according to WPIX: The story centers on a "woman" from "Buffalo," and the recent explosion in salacious rumors about Paterson's swinging personal life is due to a talkative "estranged wife of 'an aide extremely close to the governor'" who's going through a bitter divorce right now. If you know who that would be, let us know.

Meanwhile, New York magazine's Gabriel Sherman attempts to throw some cold water on the speculation:

According to a source close to the Paterson camp who is familiar with the scope of the Times' reporting, the Times piece will be an in-depth profile of the governor focused on his personal character. There are likely to be new details about his marital infidelities, but the source added that it's not going to be the bombshell the blogs have predicted. "The piece is PG-13, not XXX," the source explained. "Not to say it won't be problematic, but the Aqueduct situation? That's potentially criminal. On his extramarital affairs, the question is who those people are, and what jobs they've held."

See? It's just a few ladies on the side. No big deal. Nothing like that potentially criminal "Aqueduct situation," in which Paterson appears to have handed over a state casino contract in an attempt to win a political endorsement. So there you have it—a Paterson partisan says the story's no big deal and probably won't even go into his potentially criminal activity in too much detail.

We're feeling kind of bad for Danny Hakim, Nick Confessore, and Serge Kovaleski, the Times reporters Sherman says are reporting the story. Because after all this, the bar's pretty high. And we'd hate to see this turn out to be another Vicki Iseman story.

There was inevitably some cultural friction when Apple's secretive CEO took his new iPad around to New York's professionally indiscreet media. Exhibit A is a single tweet from a Wall Street Journal editor, which purportedly made Steve Jobs go ballistic:

The Journal's online executive editor Alan Murray quickly deleted the Feb. 4 tweet, which, it is now obvious, was issued during Apple CEO Jobs' show-and-tell with select Journal staff. A tipster told us the deletion ultimately traces back to a furious Jobs. We asked Murray for comment, and he wrote back "I would love to talk about this, but can't." In a later email, he added:

I will say that Apple's general paranoia about news coverage is truly extraordinary— but that's not telling you anything you didn't already know.

Indeed, Apple is a notoriously tight-lipped company, particularly under Jobs, and is constantly trying to control the flow of news about its product. Apple sued a teenaged blogger who published scoops about unreleased products; it lied about Jobs' health problems; Jobs called a New York Times columnist a "slime bucket" for writing about said health problems; and an employee of key Apple contractor Foxconn had his apartment illegally searched after losing an iPhone prototype (he later committed suicide amid intense pressure from his employer).

If Jobs did give Murray a tongue lashing — his withering verbal abuse is infamous — the editor can console himself with the knowledge that this is is an especially touchy time of year for the paranoiac. And not just because of the pressures of shepherding and unveiling a new product.

At Jobs' meeting at the Times, the CEO was mostly on point, painting a utopian picture of happy future world awash in iPads. But at one juncture in the meeting, we hear, he took a detour, telling assembled newspaper staff that he gets tons of hate mail from people whenever he launches a new product — people who have never even used it, including angry Apple "fans." Jobs reportedly described the mail as "really nasty stuff... [things] like 'Fuck you and your family.'"

It sounds like Jobs has been fighting this sort of backlash his whole career, judging from this 1994 Rolling Stone interview:

"I've always been attracted to the more revolutionary changes. I don't know why. Because they're harder. They're much more stressful emotionally. And you usually go through a period where everybody tells you that you've completely failed."

Of course, "fuck you and your family" sound less like fanboys than regretful stock speculators. That's the sort of e-note to go ballistic over.

(Updates: Added background on Apple secrecy, Rolling Stone quote.)

There was inevitably some cultural friction when Apple's supremely secretive CEO took his new iPad around to New York's professionally indiscreet media. Exhibit A is this tweet from a Wall Street Journal editor, which purportedly made Steve Jobs go ballistic:

The Journal's online executive editor Alan Murray quickly deleted the Feb. 4 tweet, which, it is now obvious, was issued during Apple CEO Jobs' show-and-tell with select Journal staff. A tipster told us the deletion ultimately traces back to a furious Jobs. We asked Murray for comment, and he wrote back "I would love to talk about this, but can't." In a later email, he added:

I will say that Apple's general paranoia about news coverage is truly extraordinary— but that's not telling you anything you didn't already know.

If Jobs did give Murray a tongue lashing — his withering verbal abuse is infamous — the editor can console himself with the knowledge that this is is an especially touchy time of year for the paranoiac. And not just because of the pressures of shepherding and unveiling a new product.

At Jobs' meeting at the Times, the CEO was mostly on point, painting a utopian picture of happy future world awash in iPads. But at one juncture in the meeting, we hear, he took a detour, telling assembled newspaper staff that he gets tons of hate mail from people whenever he launches a new product — people who have never even used it, including angry Apple "fans." Jobs reportedly described the mail as "really nasty stuff... [things] like 'Fuck you and your family.'"

Ugh. Those sound less like fanboys than regretful stock speculators. That's the sort of e-note to go ballistic over.

André Leon Talley, Vogue's editor-at-large-and-in-charge, has signed on to judge three "cycles" of Tyra Banks' glam reality schlockfest. He says Anna Wintour was OK with the idea and he had couture gowns made for the show. This is gonna rule!

Remember Talley in The September Issue, when he pretended to play tennis while decked out in a full outfit of Louis Vuitton? It was amazing. But what is middle America going to think of this queeny, over-weight, label-obsessed giant, who gave a fascinating interview with Woman's Wear Daily about the show? They are used to gay black men thanks to former judge (and our hero) Miss J Alexander, but he always had an up-by-the-bootstraps relatability. Tyra Banks thinks Talley is going to be the high-culture antidote for her decidedly low-culture show, that has always been like a public access program with a very high budget. Talley even will get Anna to watch!

"Her reaction," said Talley, "was, ‘Fine, André. Just let me know when you're going to do it and how it's going.'" (Reached for comment, Wintour said through her spokesman, "André is always onto new things on television, and I think his latest adventure sounds like a lot of fun and I look forward to watching him on the program.")"

The collision of Vogue staffers and little girls from Iowa watching the same program is like a luxury train colliding with an RV and littering the tracks with champagne, Tang, Gucci, Kathy Ireland for K-Mart, cigarettes, Chace Crawford pictures cut out of Bop, and sparkles, lots and lots of sparkles. To mark his emergence into the reality TV scene, our André ordered "13 custom-made Chado Ralph Rucci cloaks, varying only in color or fabric". We are decidedly low culture, so that means we'll be watching in a Snuggie we blinged out with a Bedazzler, completely spellbound by the mess.

[Image via Getty]

New York Gov. David Paterson consulted with "key Democratic leaders" over the weekend to discuss either a) his imminent resignation pending a New York Times report that he is a corrupt snuggling swinger or b) just talk about stuff.

UPDATE: WPIX says the story's coming out Wednesday.

Paterson has been battling maddeningly vague rumors that the Times is on the verge of publishing a career-ending story detailing either previously undisclosed marital infidelities or some sort of official corruption that will cause him to immediately resign. Today the Associated Press reports that Paterson spent the weekend in meetings and on phone calls with Democratic leaders, apparently prepping them for the fallout:

A Democrat close to the situation, though, said the meetings included discussions about whether Paterson would resign or announce he will not run because of the unsubstantiated claims in the whisper campaign surrounding the governor's behavior. The Democrat spoke on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the issue.

Paterson's spokeswoman told the AP that the calls were routine fundraising and strategy sessions. She also told Gawker yesterday that the mythical Times story does in fact exist, and that it's a perfectly normal boring profile for Metro.

In the exceedingly likely event that Paterson's spokeswoman is lying while desperately trying to forestall the inevitable, several possible scenarios have emerged: There's the swinging thing, which is buttressed by recent stories in the New York Post about a state trooper on the governor's security detail discovering Paterson "snuggling together" with an unidentified woman in a closet and Paterson being spotted "neck-kissing" a young lady in a New Jersey restaurant. There's also a rather run-of-the-mill corruption angle: Paterson recently delivered a contract to run a casino at the Aqueduct racetrack in Queens to a company that Queens politico Rev. Floyd Flake partly owns, after which Flake met with Paterson to discuss a possible endorsement for Paterson's re-election bid. The Post's Fred Dicker writes today that many of Paterson's aides consider the Aqueduct deal "corrupt" and are threatening to quit over it, and that Paterson's "poor work habits and late-night, booze-fueled 'disappearances' at trendy nightclubs and undisclosed locations" have wrecked his staff's confidence.

Meanwhile, GOP gubernatorial candidate Rick Lazio can't stand the suspense anymore, and has issued a statement calling for the Times to—as the Albany Times-Union puts it—"print or get off the pot":

"The rumors about the Governor are a sad reflection of Albany politics," Lazio said. "No public official deserves to be the subject of over a week of innuendo and nasty speculation. If the New York Times is working on or has a story then they should confirm or print it. If they do not, then they have an obligation to stop this rumor mongering right now. Common decency demands it."

UPDATE: Politico's Ben Smith reports that the Times is set to interview Paterson tomorrow.

Senators and Federal employees are taking a snow day, with three-foot snowfall blanketing the Atlantic seaboard from New Jersey to Virginia. As America braces for an "encore storm," one major dilemma remains: Which cute nickname won the weather system?

Snowmageddon, hands down. From an etymological standpoint, neither makes sense so we must go to colloquial usage, where Snowmageddon is winning the race due to a late-breaking endorsement from the president.

Snowmageddon: 59,469 blog mentions, 4,064 news according to Google
"Snowmageddon" surged to the fore when President Obama used it on Saturday when he thanked Democrats for "willing to brave a blizzard, Snowmageddon." What's more, SnowmageddonDC.com is categorically superior to SnowpocalypseDC.com. Whereas both host the same brilliant red PANIC!!! banner, the former contains a Twitter feed and useful links about emergency snow routes and which bars are staying open. Though SnowpocalypseDC's minimalism could be read as an homage to pristine white blankets of snow, in a moment of crisis, what you really want to know is where the best snowball fights are, and whether "coolest possibility: thundersnow" will happen.

Snowpocalypse: 55,857 blog mentions, 1,265 news
"Snowmageddon" may roll off the tongue, but "Snowpocalypse" is more fun to type, on account of an unusual consonant cluster and letter 'y.' It also has a bit more of that histrionic je ne sais quoi that the blogosphere loves. (Which is why it's kept up with Snowmageddon in blog mentions, even as news mentions wane.) Witness The Huffington Post: "Weatherman Freaks Out at Snowpocalypse (VIDEO)" and a documented preference here.

Alternates: Snowbliteration, SnOMGasm (I don't totally understand this one but DCist likes it), SNOMFG, Universal Snowcare, Snowper Bowl, Goddamn Groundhog Was Right

So: E!'s running this story today about Justin Timberlake accepting Harvard's Man of the Year award—called the Hasty Pudding award, apparently—and it appears to be part of some joyously homoerotic Ivy League ritual of fun. It looks awesome.

Hasty Pudding Theatricals is, according to Wikipedia (natrually):

...a theatrical student society at Harvard University, known for its burlesque musicals and for its status as the oldest collegiate theatrical organization in the United States.

And every year they have a "Woman of the Year" and a "Man of the Year" award, in which they have a roast, a parade, and a show for the honorees. Timberlake and Anne Hathaway were honored this year. Jessica Biel showed up with Timberlake. And in the skit, apparently, someone played Britney Spears, Madonna, and Chris Kirkpatrick. We also learned he apparently digs drag:

"Funny enough, every time I've hosted SNL I've ended up in drag at least once," the good sport said of his getup during his toast. "I love stuff like this."

Well then! So, uh, there's that. Via Getty Images, enjoy the rapture of Harvard nonsense and what a very elite, expensive tuition bill actually gets you: one of the world's most famous pop stars, in drag. If anybody has video of the fun, we'd love to see it.

Last night Hollywood's disgraceful frat boy older brother Charlie Sheen called the cops to say his Mercedes was stolen. At the same time, it's On-Star device called the po-po to say the car was wrecked. Only we know what happened.

It was found at the bottom of a cliff near his house in Sherman Oaks. No one was in the car and there was no evidence of anyone in the area nearby. Police are investigating, but it appears to be a mystery. In a Gawker exclusive, we have an inside source who has identified the person who stole the car. It was Toonces, the cat who can drive a car! We have notified local authorities and arrests are expected at any moment.

[Image via Getty]