Oh, please!

M. Knight Shyamalan has been receiving quite a bit of heat considering his latest releases have flopped, but that's okay because he's just like Michael Jordan!

Wait, what?

He explains:

"Look, I loved Michael Jordan, right? He was my favorite basketball player. When I used to watch him at Madison Square Garden there would be 25,000 people booing every time that he touched the ball, screaming abuse at him. And it was because the entire stadium was there to see him be spectacular. They were like, 'I don't want you to disappoint me or hurt me.'

"I'm no Michael Jordan but maybe I get a little of that… Reviews of my movies often spend a lot of the time talking about me, not the movie!"

Ha!

Whatever gets you through the day!

[Image via WENN.]

Yep, yep, yeppers!

Sources say that Hugh Hefner wants to open casinos in both England and China.

In his advanced age, Hef is apparently looking into ways to expand his empire that having nothing to do with adult entertainment.

Huh. Did your Viagra prescription run out or are you just that into Mahjong?

The Playboy told sources:

"We will be announcing casinos in both Macao, China and London. As far as media goes, I think we'll be involved in more mainstream ventures. That's the direction we're moving in; we're moving away from the adult programming because it's not the future. I think it gets in the way of who we are, and who we want to be…In their early years, the Playboy clubs were so hugely popular that the company's ability as a 'branding' vehicle became obvious."

Right, so these will be Playboy casinos, right? Like, with Holly Madison performing in the lobby and a peep show in the back?

Because honestly, that is the only way these places are going to make any money!

Just saying!

[Image via WENN.]

Laugh away at this shithead. He deserves it.

The man above is 21 year old Matthew Clemmens of Cherry Hill, NJ.

If you recall, we reported on a few months ago because the sick asshole purposely stuck his finger down his throat so he would vomit on an off-duty police officer and his 11 year old daughter at a Philadelphia Phillies game last April!

He now has plead guilty to assault, harassment, and disorderly conduct, and has been sentenced to 1-3 months in prison, two years on probation, and 50 hours of community service.

Absolutely deplorable! He deserves everything he got!

IS Selena Gomez trying to be the new Miley Cyrus? No! The Wizards of Waverly Place star insists she isn’t trying to copy the Hannah Montana actress — she’s just wants to be herself. “I’m flattered if people say I’m the new Miley, but I’m definitely not trying to be her,” she said. “I’m just trying to be myself.” Selena [...]

X Factor winner Joe McElderry is gay!

Despite denying rumors in the past, the 19-year-old singer made the decision to come out, saying, "I'm really happy, I now know who I am."

Joe had previously insisted he was straight when asked by the media, but up until he three weeks ago, he didn't really the know the answer himself!

“Every time I was asked, I gave honest answers. I wasn’t attracted to anyone anyway, male or female. It never really entered my head I was gay. I’ve had time to think about things. I wasn’t attracted to anyone anyway, male or female. It never really entered my head I was gay. But I just know. It’s how I feel. I’m so happy. It’s all been so recent to be honest. Over the past couple of weeks I’ve had time to think and come to realize who I am. I have grown up a lot. I know it sounds crazy but before then, I was so busy. It hadn’t even crossed my mind.

I only told my mum last week, on a train. She was fine, great even. She’d actually asked us in the past, not because she thought I was gay but because she’s a supportive mum. She’d say, ‘I don’t care if you have a girlfriend or boyfriend’. My family have been so supportive.”

Joe also reveals that he's only kissed one boy, saying that he thought, " 'Oh, that’s weird, maybe that’s what happens.' I didn’t know what it meant. It was nothing serious, just a one-off thing. I’m single, I’ve not had a ­relationship with a boy, but I just know. It’s how I feel."

He even says that X Factor judges Simon Cowell and Cheryl Tweedy were completely supportive of his decision. And as for his fans, he says, “I’m not worried about how fans will react. They have always said they’ll back me no matter what. Everyone’s been really kind so I would like to thank them and your readers for all the support."

And we support you too, Joe! Congrats!

Welcome to the gayborhood!

[Image via WENN.]

Good news for Al Gore!

He's been cleared of all sexual assault charges in the case against Portland massage therapist Molly Hagerty.

The Portland Police and Multnomah County District Attorney announced Friday that "they have recommended…that there be no criminal prosecution" due to the fact that Hagerty failed to provide records related to the case, failed a polygraph test, and all forensic tests of pants kept by Hagerty as evidence were tested negative. And the fact that she was paid by the National Enquirer to tell her story didn't help either.

It was even discovered in a document that the massage therapist had called Gore immediately after the alleged incident and "told him to 'dream of a redheaded woman,' " which would contradict her story that she was fearful of him.

Al Gore has "emphatically denied this accusation when he first learned of its existence three years ago" and in a statement, he wrote that he "respects and appreciates the thorough and professional work of the Portland authorities and is pleased that this matter has now been resolved."

Guess he isn't quite the "crazy sex poodle"!

[Image via C.M. Wiggins / WENN.]

WTF?

Watch this bizarre video of Vanilla Ice performing some kind of idiotic stunt involving a car, a pond, fire and some confetti!

He even gets cheers at the end!

Who are these people?? What kind of pastime is this?

Oh, GROSS!

What the fuck is this Elizabeth Bathory bullshit?

Check out this BIZARRE news report about a brand new plastic surgery procedure known as Vampire Filler, which uses BLOOD to erase wrinkles!

BLEGH! Too weird.

We can't wait until Jennifer Love Desperate starts promoting this shiz! Lord knows she'll be clutching her Twilight dolls and calling herself Bella Hewitt Swan while she gets it injected into her face!

This won't help you find keep a man, bb!

"I'm flattered if people say I'm the new Miley, but I'm definitely not trying to be her. I'm just trying to be myself."

- Selena Gomez tells Now magazine

[Image via WENN.]

We're going to assume that Billy Ray Cyrus has been cut-off from his billionaire teenage mogul daughter, Miley.

No way he is going to make more money with this new band then she ever gave him in allowance.

Papa Cyrus is in a new band called Brother Clyde and is all set to release a new album for Walmart's bargain bins on August 10th.

If you think it is kind of random for Billy's achey-breaky heart to be part of a band, wait till you hear who else is in it!

In the most random assortment of artists every combine, Billy Ray sings alongside Samantha Maloney (Hole) on drums, Jamie Miller (theSTART and Snot) and Dan Knight on guitar, Dave Henning on bass and rapper King Phaze.

Yep, we haven't heard of a single one of them either! Probably just how Billy Ray likes it.

The group has a single out, which you can listen to HERE, but we won't be joining you. We don't care to have our ears bleed in the middle of the day.